Random Thoughts



This is it.

This is the person I’ve become.


Serve me my sentence. Tell me already. I’m running out of patience. I’ve never really been a patient fellow. See,I have things up my sleeve,’ve got responsibilities. Tell me already, would you?

The end is deliberately soon. I can smell it. I can feel it. I can see myself in an empty room, my luggage strewn all over the floor and light beaming in through my window onto my scared little adult face. I hope I’ll be alive, first and second, I’ll be ready.I can’t afford not to be ready.


Aah, History has this clever sly thing it does called repetition. It just finds a way. It might take a while but actions re-occur. Footsteps are retraced. Memories reincarnate from the dead. Suddenly the vice is the virtue; the past is the present. The future can only be betted upon. And you know bets, sometimes they ‘ingia’ sometimes they just do not.

I’m sinking slowly. Losing my grip and giving in. It’s reckless yet so refreshing. It’s dangerous yet so safe. My heart is a river of peace and the waters are clean. Falling down under and floating at the same time. Sweet, sweet Jerusalem!


Haha. I love this part. Totally melodramatic. Can we not talk about it?

O no we must. Too much of a bummer…hella story!

The closet became too small, couldn’t contain me no more. So I came out and asked people to say yes. Yes they did say(wait, what?).Now life took a turn, now insecurities are no longer the same.  They upgraded too. We on another level, me and them. I’m chasing modesty and sanity down the street, telling them to stay a little longer, say a year please. Sit down. Dog. Be humble!

I’m outchea now. There’s no turning back. The wind is beating against my bare skin.Goosebumps. The earth is warm under my feet .I can no longer hide under the mask of indiscretion. My name was on the wall but now its out here in the air for all concerned to inhale. I wanna be oxygen. I wanna sustain life. Maybe a little bit nitrogen II? Make people laugh? No?


Damn I’ve become bland.

The way I used to touch you with my naked hands and strip you into pieces, into vowels ,into consonants, Into syllables that could strut a runway…

I’ve forgotten the taste of desire. That raw animalistic thing that roared me to life.I no longer remember…oh,dear. I don’t.The way I used to want you, the way I used to tango with you and dance with you all day then make love with you(to you is too subjective) deep into the night.

Cursor blinking…


Then rapture. Pouring. Overflowing. Right infront of my eyes. Obsession.Moans and sighs and a touch here and a lick there .Climax.

Dead silence.

I miss you,writing. Find me soon.I’ll be waiting for you on my favorite bench in the park,your favorite ice-cream in hand.I’ll be ready to sing you your favorite song if you asked me to.I’ll rub your feet.I’ll hold you in my hands like the first time.I’ll dance for you lover,just come back.I’ll  hum in your ears,tales of old,Tales of our midnight rendezvous,Tales of dreams we had that now lay deep in slumber.I will tell you your favorite story,the story of a universe we would have created for ourselves.Our idea.Our startup.Our big break.

Hi.I’m that(not so)kawaidagirl and I’m a hopeless writomantic.


Being generous with self is a new thing I’m learning.To go out of my way for the sake of a stranger,a friend.To call back and listen to stories of visiting ghosts and  not lose my element.To cry with the bereaved and weep with the dead.

This is it.

This is the person I’ve become.






3 thoughts on “THIS IS IT!”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s