Between hell and high waters, I am probably on the thing that comes after those two. I mean, if I could, I would trade my life with a fish right now. If you’re a fish all you do is swim all day. Who wouldn’t want that? Especially an aquarium fish. Those ones that are fed and I hear, help depressed people calm down or something of that sort. On second thought, maybe I need an aquarium in my room. Two goldfish. I want to stare at them for two long minutes and feel all the parts of my dismembered life fall nicely into place. See? Now I’m even using words like ‘dismembered’. Something is wrong.

Honestly, I just had that paragraph to wing today. But since I am here, can we just take a moment to appreciate great YouTube videos and the geniuses behind them. I was in the middle of studying for a CAT yesterday night, precisely 11:24pm, when it dawned on me that human creativity could just turn out to be God’s genius right before our eyes, manifested in all the great and little things. The best stuff is not made in China, or Germany…it is made in the human brain. Conceptions of the mind. Of course the mind stores knowledge and experiences in its subconscious which it later reproduces (just assume I’m right), but then there’s that spark of magic, that line in a Stephen King book, that tingly feeling when Adelle hits a note, that stroke of a painter’s brush…Voilah! It’s a stroke of genius called creativity!

There’s this lady YouTube vlogger who calls herself Superwoman. Her real name is Lilly Singh. I have watched her for a quarter a year now and honest to God, her creativity, or whoever it is that writes her scripts, is one more reason for me to survive life. So am in the middle of trying to understand Vis a Vis cramming the definition of ‘Zenith Angle’, which probably will not appear in that exam paper, when a friend of mine turns on his Wi-Fi Hotspot. I mean, people who share their Wi-Fi, and forgive this pun, deserve a hot spot (HA!) in heaven next to where the KDF kitchen is.Anyway, I am there, on the interconnected web network, when this Superwoman Video comes up. It is hilarious. I laugh. She leaves me in stitches. Life is good. A stranger’s creative genius just made my Zenith night a whole load better.

Hold up a bit. Let’s talk about the mandazis from a different universe that made it to my list of TITLES just for a minute. I had some last weekend. I say some but it was actually one but it felt like three. KDFs must exist in heaven, because the creativity of the guy/lady who came up with that recipe must have been God-sent. That awesomeness is so compact like a Renewable Energy  mid-term exam, and I’m not just on the hype bandwagon here. You can eat that thing through to the next lunar eclipse and still have some left for posterity…

I was in the middle of the journey that is downing one pineapple fanta with a KDF last weekend when I thought to myself-what if this is it? What if I was born just for this-to be part of the generation that beholds (and be-partakes?) something as hard and sweet as KDF. I mean,you think you are here to be a mogul,to revolutonise,but we can’t all be Bill Gates and Mark Zuckerberg. Someone has to live for the little things-like memes and KDF and Biko’s Instagram posts. Can we all just come to a consensus on that please? Yes? Great! (Shout out to the real KDFs protecting our borders. Now that’s something noble to live,and unfortunately sometimes, die for!)

Away from the good vibes, the SuperWoman video finally came to an end and I had to go back to the Zenith Angle which by the way is….(As I open my notes to refer)

Zenith angle is the vertical angle between the sun’s rays and the line perpendicular to the horizontal plane through the point.

What??? ….


Do you understand that? I do not. Does that make any sense? Am I the problem here? What is a horizontal PLANE THROUGH THE POINT? Like what in good God’s Earth is that? I did not sign up for this. Somebody hand me my admission letter from way back so I can fold it nicely, dump it in a dustbin and run off to Swaziland to get married by the King in the South!

My run-tings out of the way, the Zenith angle is probably just a nice,calm and collected angle living in a picket fenced-house with a-cute wife and two kids, climbing the corporate ladder of angles slooowly but surely. It probably reads the dailies daily, hugs its wife lightly every morning before she leaves to open her grocery shop down the road. It must read its kids bedtime stories. One is called Obtuse and the other one, Zenith the II (I ran out of angle names). Mr. Zenith must drive with windows up, listening to Brad *Praisley sing about running away. He must live a cautious life, doing angle things, and dreaming of nothing beyond the picket fence except that new bicycle he has to buy for Zenith the II’s birthday later in March….

The best books ever written, Electricity and the Engine, Burj Khalifa, Big Bang Theory, Sama…ahem…ahem….KDF,all these are products of the human mind. Imagine that. No, let that sink in. Because that is reality and it exists.I ate some last weekend.

Here comes the moral lesson of the story that will completely transform your life. Ready?

Don’t be the angle which will always be the vertical angle between the sun’s rays and the line perpendicular to the horizontal plane through the point- and nothing else. (Seriously, what is wrong with that DEFINITION?).

Dare to be a KDF. Dare to dare. Dare to be a different type of mandazi. We are all flour and salt and we all go down one way(it was not my plan to get this graphic) but what effect do you have to those who consume you? Do you leave a good taste in people’s trails? (If I said mouth, that would be a totally different conversation,no?) Anyway, Are you nutritious or are you junk? Is there any chance you will be remembered after you’ve left? If yes,will it be for the good or bad?

I think I’m done with my quota of wisdom for my…. the rest of my life. Hold up,let me call up my grandpa Solomon to catch up on where the rain started beating Miguna Miguna…



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